Is there pressure to write?

It’s been about two weeks since my last post. But have I done anything “worthy” of webspace? Do I write for me? OR to ward off emails? Or to share a message? Or because I think I’m cool?

Since then, I have done the following:
–went to Danang over the weekend and bought what will be beautiful hangings for my doors
–lost my house, work, motorbike keys (not robbed, I misplaced!)
–hip hopped to some v. cool electronica beats (innovation, I like it!)
–caved into having a cleaner attack my studio with sanitizing agents
–held an American Idol finale party

I remain thwarted in my attempts/dreams/hopes in the below:
–making shoes
–attempting to bellly dance
–volunteering (soon, soon, soon)
–keeping a regular schedule

I am not cool. I am confused often and usually am a bit of a mess in the head…being busy is not helping me. I want to write more for myself, in my green satin journal. Do I want to be in public places open to conversations or do I prefer the solitude of my place? Can I be a loner in a social shell? I am not a socialite or a smoozer really. I prefer deep relationships. I don’t want to know everyone out there. I want to be your friend…Friday is here but I feel it should be Tuesday sometime in MARCH!

Two more trips planned for June. I don’t want to fly no more. I want to lie on my hammock and watch movies while the world passes. But I need to maintain relationships or ppl will think I’m antisocial.

SHOULD, SHOULD, WOULD, COULD, WHAT TO DO? ZZZZZZZ UM UGH ERRRRRR SHOULD OR WANT OR WHAT OR NONE OF THE ABOVE. I NEED HELP. PRAYER. TIME. PEACE. TIME TIME TIME YESSSSSS….